Monday, October 26, 2009

Random Thoughts - Do pop singers even know what they're singing about anymore?

Lyrics are just plain getting out of hand...

Well I have finally reached the breaking point and I must discuss the depths that pop lyrics have reached now.  Once upon a time we were graced with pop greatness like "Dancin' on the Ceiling" and "All Night Long."  These songs may have been your normal pop fodder, but at least the lyrics made sense.

Eddie Murphy loved partying so much, he wanted to do it on the Ceiling.  I can totally understand, I too would love to party on the ceiling.  Have you ever partied on the ceiling?  Nope.  That's why it would be cool.  Some day Eddie Murphy, my dream will come true and I will party on the ceiling (and will not ever pick up a tranvestite hooker and offer to give him/her a "ride home")

Lionel Ritchie loved partying so much, he wanted to do it "all night long."  Who doesn't understand this?  I have wanted to party all night on many occasions, and in some instances actually have.  Thank you Lionel for your inspiration, we often commented back in the fraternity days that nothing cool happened until after 4 am, and it was your inspiration that allowed me to see so many cool things back in the day.

However, those days are long gone and now we are left with what we have to hear today.  My first example is the song by Cascada "Evacuate the Dancefloor."  First of all, let me get this out of the way, I fully support Cascada and "Everytime We Touch" just may be the greatest song to run to ever, with the exception of "Sandstorm" by Da Rude.  The sheer greatness of that song should give her a pass, but unfortunately I couldn't this time.

Here is where I have a problem, as most of Cascada's songs are, "Evacuate the Dancefloor" is a dance song.  I am curious whose great idea it was to write a dance song and have it tell people to leave the dance floor.  Does this make sense to anybody?  Seriously, if it does, please explain in the comments cause I have racked my brain and can't think of a reason for this.  This is equivalent to Snoop Dogg writing a rap with a solid beat telling people NOT to smoke weed.  Something just doesn't fit....  Hire better writers Cascada, ones that actually know you sing DANCE songs.

Next comes a song that is another guilty pop song pleasure of mine (although it is no "Party in the USA").  "Body Language" by Jesse McCartney (no relation to Paul).    Here is how the lyrics go to this song.  "Parlevou Fracais, conichiwa come and move it my way, hey little chica from guadalupe."  I do believe what makes this so ridiculous is the way it's sung.  Jesse McCartney (no relation to Paul) has no idea how to speak any of these languages, I know that is not the point of the song, but all the same.  This is just a half baked attempt to throw some foreign language words in here.  "Umm....where can we fit conichiwa into this song?" "I got it!  Listen to this lyric...(see above)"  This lyric is followed by "I don't speak spanish, ebonese, or French, but the way that body's moving definitely make sense."  Really?  You're telling me you don't speak these languages?  Is anybody surprised by this?  Does this sound real at all?  Would you ever pick up a girl with that line?  (I am just downplaying this so nobody else uses it cause I think it might work...don't tell anyone).

Also, how did "that thing you got behind you is amazing" become Jesse McCartney's catch phrase?  He is talking about some girls backside and he is still having his birthday parties at Chuck E. Cheese.  This is not right, what is happening to our society...but I digress.

Finally, the ultimate "are you kidding me" lyric I have heard in the last month.  It comes from the normally masterful Pink (:-/)  Her lyric (from her album "Funhouse" no less) says "this used to be a funhouse, but now it's full of evil clowns."  My detest and horribly irrational fear of clowns aside, this lyric just plain sucks.  It makes absolutely no sense and exists for no other reason than to give her something else to rhyme off of.  This lyric just plain lacks originality and cannot be defended, I cannot even think of something witty and funny to say about it I am so disgusted.  The only way she can save her self from my wrath is to do a duet with Eddie Murphy AND Lionel Ritchie (Christina Aguilara is not allowed).

Final Thoughts:

So what have we learned today?  Well we have learned that Cascada has people write her songs that don't even know what she does, Jesse McCartney can only sing about getting with chicks before he can drive, and I would never ever want to be in a funhouse with Pink.  Ever.  All that aside, all I know is if Cascada was on the dance floor, I would not evacuate, even if she was infected by the beat, cause everytime we would touch I would feel the static...

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